Did you know, I use to just tag along at church? I would come and listen all the way in the back. And wonder why people would raise their hands to God. Similar to how I saw in the concerts. I use to do the same at concerts. I didn’t understand the hands thing from either form of worship. I didn’t sing. I was an observer.
I would respond to the alter and I would experience the power of God with the laying of hands. I was healed many times. Not always from a pain that was physical. I would experience peace. Something I would loose back in the world. I would loose peace, joy, kindness, I’d come back to experience this. I knew no Bible.
My season of a courted invitation to come closer and deeper with God came to an end when I made my choice to only give God a Sunday. I returned to my world, to do as I see fit, in my own ways, with my lust for the world, with no goals, with no growth, with no change. I would sink in myself and ask God to rescue me from a new feeling, sadness, sickness. Whatever it was, I do believe He came through.
One day I fell even more broken, something hit harder in my life, that God saw opportunity for me. See this pain was strong, and it wasn’t moving. I don’t know if I truly reached for God outside of Sunday. Unfortunately my pain hit on a Monday. I would literally roll around in my bed weeping. Breathing heavily in despair for days. Heartbreak and its side effects were crushing me. I thank God for repentance. For the first time I reached for Him personally and He showed up. He showed up in my filthy room. With my broken self. He, day by day led me through repentance. I didn’t know that word but I was transitioning.
There was a devotional book I would read to get some air. I would skip the worship parts, I still didn’t understand it, until I read the bible. This took me out from the observer seat. I would read page after page convicted and open for change. My first intention with the bible was for it to fix me and my mess but it transitioned to going after God.
Worship did not make sense until it became a life of worship, where He became King of my whole life, not just a Sunday. There was no looking back. I sought for a fixing, and I got more. I found me a very real GOD. The one that knows all, sees all, and is not limited by time or space. Look how close He has come, to find us. Look what Jesus has done for a people who doesn’t deserve it. He has been TRUE in my life and He became my reward. He replaced my brokenness for Him. He filled me with His Spirit and turned it All around.
He is the one that I worship. I boast of Him. That He took a broken girl, and made her stand and Hope again. I worship Him, with hands up, with hands down, in words, in song but most of all…with my life. He will always be worthy, the One I have found, exchanging pain and suffering for a God worthy of worship.
“I have told all your people about your justice. I have not been afraid to speak out, as you, O Lord, well know. I have not kept the good news of your justice hidden in my heart; I have talked about your faithfulness and saving power. I have told everyone in the great assembly of your unfailing love and faithfulness.” Psalms 40:9-10
I love your ability to write and tell your story it’s so awesome I hope one day I would have the same courage and would be able to do this the thing about me is I’ve had dreams to write books and to write my story I didn’t really have an education growing up so I didn’t know how to read and write I know how to read but I don’t know how to write but I know that God Will Make a Way because I know I’m supposed to tell my story thank you for everything you’re doing it’s very inspiring. ❤️❤️ You’re amazing sis I love your blog.
I didn’t pay attention to my teacher at a certain age, so I had to have God help me with this. God has a message in you, I’m sure he will develope this in you. It’s probably already in you. Just needs to bloom. 🌸🌸🌻🌹