He Rebuilt Me to Dream Again

I was young, and full of every sound and movie, this was my passing of time. To listen in and be inspired, to watch and be inspired. I was always a dreamer, so I would dream parts, favorite parts. Sometimes what I watched would get me to wonder about God, or life. The building up of God, movies and music, were my foundation for life. What do I want for life, What will I do in life. Will I find love like the movies, will I have fun like the movies, will I experience this like that person in the movies. Music and movies were my teacher, and God was my wonder.

Unfortunately as a teen, I would dream holy sometimes, on beauty and what could life be like with God, but I had the poorest foundation to keep it. I soon remember after a high hope in God, that I found friends. I learned to love well. But this is when I gave all my yesses to all the wrong things in search for this high hope with God. Oh the dreams I had but looking for them in all the wrong places. The experiment began, friends flooded the rooms, I loved people, I loved parties. Music played all around me, I didn’t love this music, but this became my atmosphere, slowly I began to loose a lot of how I made these friends. They came to me first because I was new, hopeful, and carried joy. And then it was transferred with heartbreak, dim, and near death experiences. The glory of the life that was being built began to look ugly, hopeless and depressing. Yes I got to sneak out and have fun at first, I got to jump in the back of a pick up truck and ride in the open air, I got to make a name for myself. But I didn’t get to make hope, I didn’t get to make Joy. All the right dreams were dying. I would look around and everything that had made it on my list of hopes, was looking impossible. Soon I found myself addicted to things that gave me nothing in return. But God. But God had remembered my first hope. And in all my mess He was building. He was building and tearing. He made sure I did not die somewhere in this timeline. I remember that day. He was even building from that. That I would live and not die and that I would hope again. A high hope, not a high on drugs or people. He built me a dream, that I could dream again.

I say this, even more because I am on the other side where Hope is alive.

Where I say no to everything that tries to kill it. No to this music, no to this movie, no to this event, no to this plan. I will stand my ground this time, because this ground I stand on is strong, and God built it. I will not leave it. It is worth all my “No’s” to keep the Yess I always wanted.